No More Drama: Ending the Toxicity

We seem to vacillate between period piece and modern day dramas. From Shogun and the Winds of War to Dallas and Dynasty. From 90210 to 1923. From Downtown Abbey to the latest, Landman. What is our issue?

We have a desire for the drama. I know you don’t like hearing that. After all, you post things on Facebook like “Save the Drama for Your Mama” or “I Ain’t Paid Enough to Listen to Your Junk. Keep it.” That should mean we don’t want to engage with the angst or the gossip. We don’t want it, right? We might be lying to ourselves.

Sometimes, we do it to escape the reality of our own lives. We would rather put the attention on the television than to sit and deal with our own issues or life circumstances. It’s much easier to zone out on the drama of Yellowstone than on the drama of the homeland. Escapism is one reason.

However, there is a psychological addiction, too. We crave the attention, excitement or validation. We can sometimes look to enhance (or lie about) our workplaces or homes. We want to exaggerate and to embellish so that we have something or someone to gripe about so that others will listen. We use the drama as a vehicle to connect with others. We position ourselves as suffering servants, beleaguered employees or saints on a mission from God.

The problem is that the connection is based upon lies. In the workplace, for instance, lying is a sure way to lose. It may take a bit before those around an employee figure out that the drama being shared is exaggerated, and that ultimately, you are the drama. Rest assured, however, that once it’s found out, a new Ferris Wheel of Conversations will be had - and all of them about you.

Workplaces divide too often because of such insidious and onerous strains. Drama becomes code for toxicity, and that is never good for any organization. The balanced approach to why your workplace sucks and what I am doing to enhance its suckiness should be examined. If everyone at work sucks, you know what is likely true about you. Yes, you know.

Step into a realistic view of what is happening at work. Is everything terrible? No, just like everything is not wonderful. There are pros and cons to each day, week, month and year at work. It’s a shared reality for all workers. 

On a deeper level, it could be that the habits of blaming others or never giving the benefit of the doubt show more about your lack of worth, lack of emotional stability or victimized mentality. It is worth you sitting and thinking about this. Some of you may be reading this thinking, “Oh, yes, I know people just like this.” And while that may be true, take a minute to be critical of yourself as well. What am I doing to promote my own health? Am I stuck in the rut of self-sabotage or relentless resentment?

You may need a hand in this. A therapist could help you to know what, where and why. What is true is that you don’t have to stay in the drama. Come out of that story. You don’t need to have the lead role any longer.