Shake It Off: When the Haters' Hate Really Hurts

Hate. Just typing that word stops me in my tracks.

For the past few weeks, the number of online posts speaking to hate/haters seems to be spiking. Whether it be business owners who can’t keep up with the negative Yelp or Glassdoor reviews, or “Influencers” deluged with anti-fan commentary, or HR and TA practitioners finding themselves in the crosshairs of an online battle they didn’t sign up for, we are seeing many people stressed in response to hate.

And we know the difference between hate and calling someone or something out, right? If your organization supports discriminatory practices, then you can expect to hear about it through a variety of platforms. Discrimination, harassing environments or taking advantage of marginalized people will be called out, as it should be, and those in positions of power in those specific organizations can expect that to come. We live in a world where outrage over those truths will come to light quickly.

Individually, that type of correction does not need to be hateful, but it is certainly going to feel unwelcome. The discipline to change can be received as hate, but the fact is that when your organization is traveling down a wrong path, it will be called out. You should be prepared for that.

On the other hand, and more relevant to recent events, we have people feeling torn up by the unwelcome commentary about their work ethic, their work product and their assumed work performance. For some people, posting online about their work is part of their brand and their marketing strategy. The negative can come in response to one of those posts. Some will respond right under the post mocking your perspective and assuming your frame of reference. Some may quote your post on their page to blast you and tell their audience how dumb you are. Some negativity has also come behind the scenes – reaching out to an event planner to dissuade them from working with you, for instance.

And some of you might say, “Well, if they are going to post, then they have to be ready for all the responses – good and bad.” You would be right. You do have to be ready. Where I think we may be off course a bit, though, is when we go for the jugular of that person. If you don’t like the way someone markets their recruiting efforts, then you can banter about philosophies and approaches, but to go after their role as an employee for a company, or as a mother, or as a human is too far.

So, what do we do? First, if you are going to share your work online, get ready for the pushback. In the United States, in particular, most people operate as armchair quarterbacks. The “expertise” that people believe they have is astounding. To that end, the brazenness to be that “expert” on social media can often be cruel; the studies on “toxic disinhibition” are insightful. We just need to be ready for those types to jump in and be unkind.

Secondly, those who post and share their work need to toughen up a bit. If you are going to walk into a Cyber Colosseum, so to speak, then you need your armor on. It is a battle, and hate is the oft-used weapon of your opponent. The battle preparation for you will consist of grounding – what do you believe in and how does that help to identify you? Lean into the truths of who you know you are, despite the random name-calling coming at you. The more you are grounded, the less impactful the hate will be.

This blog is a tough one to write. I tend to operate with a glass-half-full mentality. I don’t want to give hate more press than it already has. But there are real people who are falling apart. I am seeing and hearing accounts of these attacks online, including DMs to their bosses, colleagues, and yes, even to their adult children.

Let’s take a few moments to check in on our colleagues. This work is hard. Those standing up for others and for ideals need support. Those working hard to build a brand need support. Those trying to improve themselves need support. We can be more committed to that and learn better how to let the effects of hate roll off our backs.