The Grouch: Getting Rid of the Curmudgeon in You

The difficulty of being a curmudgeon is deep and wide. As a rapidly-becoming older person, the temptation to slide into the glass being perpetually half-empty becomes more appealing. “Nothing” will ever be as good as it once was, and it is my job to highlight those failures through an unwelcome twelve-point treatise. Now while I don’t actually do this (please God, don’t have me do this!), I am struck by how many do. We look back on what once was with rose-colored glasses, focusing solely on how good life once was (lies, all lies).

I don’t think the intention is to become this. I also know that this is not an exclusive problem to the older generations. Recently, I heard a twenty-something share all the reasons why work sucks, people suck and how if everyone would just see things the way they did, then everything would work out much better for everyone. They were “current” and had their finger on the pulse of what everyone their age wants. Really? Have we really allowed the training wheels to come off the proverbial bike with this level of frustration and ineptitude? We cannot really believe we will make true progress through such a negative, inflexible, unapproachable demeanor.

And lest you think that negativity stymies collaboration and innovation leading to high performing cultures, it does not on its own. It is the entrenched stubbornness that pulls us under. Sometimes negative points of view challenge our approach and we need to take those perspectives into consideration. But inflexible stoicism about the negative truths is unhelpful. We won’t be able to advance our organizations through robust market penetration and creative problem solving with those stubborn curmudgeons blocking the way.

If you’ve slipped into such a dynamic or are living through it in your workplace, here are a few ways to address it:

Decide you are fallible – The tension we experience is oft-based upon our self-righteous conviction of infallible information. We know what we know and that is all there is to know. This belief exists in companies even though we say things like “innovation and advancement provide daily learning opportunities.” We don’t really believe it and we don’t act like we believe it. Listen, you don’t know everything. Say that out loud to yourself. Be free from the misdirected burden that you must be correct in every way. Put effort into understanding rather than posturing. In this way, when there is a truth to share, you would be seen as a contributor to success, even when the offering is a negative view of an issue.

Rally the core – Who can you be vulnerable with by asking for their view of your inputs? And if you have a compadre who thinks like you, then look for another person. Find a trusted resource who would be honest. And if you have made the environment unsafe because of your negativity, then start by owning that. Ask for forgiveness and then ask for their insight. Let the person know you are seeking to know and that you are endeavoring to change. It is not a guarantee that this person will jump right in to share, so it may take a bit of time before they share as you need them to.

Practice being winsome and positive – When you have operated in “curmudgeonness” for a while, your sensors need retraining. They need to be willfully redirected towards engaged relationship building and collaborative advancement. This is not the same as becoming “Susie Sunshine” but rather one who is welcome to participate in group meetings, developmental conversations, and enthusiastic business forecasting. The Oscar the Grouch vibe won’t get you there. Learning how to (re)function in a productive manner that is inclusive of all takes training. If you know someone who could help you reframe, ask them for help here as well.

Today is a great day to stop sitting in your office spouting negativity. It is a great day to change your frowning face and your down-on-the-world mentality. Today is a great day to get up and choose to engage openly and productively and be welcomed to do so. Being a curmudgeon doesn’t look good on anyone; stop trying to bring it into fashion.